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Paul Shashkov
Paul Shashkov

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Lacking functional parents, Chris grew up a hoodlum including bullying homosexuals and eating from dumpsters. [9] [10] As an adult he experimented with several recreational drugs such as peyote and psilocybin. [11] Chris had a "missing year", he lived naked in a cave in the Jemez Mountains for a few months,[12] among other adventures. He was imprisoned for 18 months for motor vehicle theft and destruction of a 1971 Pontiac Firebird [13] He learned much from his fellow inmates; when he was paroled in 1986, he was broadly educated in the ways of the world.




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Chris is not entirely reformed. [17] After that episode, Chris said that Jazz Music makes him suicidal. Yet he proudly and smugly promotes various vulgar music causing a man's suicide. As he continued to promote the music, the audience sent complaints to Maurice. Since Maurice was absent in the episode, the issue went unresolved. [18] Later, he says he takes pride in hunting, killing, and eating bunny rabbits. This summoned a deity. He tries to shoot dead a deer, but is mystified instead. He is lured into somewhat a gambling addiction, when the next thing he sees at his house is a mysterious bottle of wine. He goes back to give the deer an apple, and the result is a reward of 50 Dollars. He is even more excited after that, so he gives him a bag of corn. The final outcome is Chris lost his prized rifle. [19] However, he gladly accepts other people's trappings such as when Walt gave him skinned rabbits. In that same episode, he tricks Maggie into paying $1,000.00 U.S.D. for a bizarre ornament. Chris previously chased Meredith Swanson when they were teenagers. When she returned to reunite with him, she decided to deliberately look homely to prove a point. Shelly helped her. [20] One of the town's barbers, Angelo, immediately declares Chris to be a fraud.


His father was a truck driver that sold greeting cards who spent half his time with Chris and his mother, and half with a second family in Oregon. Chris and his half-brother Bernard Stevens, born the same day, knew nothing of each other until they met on their 30th birthday. [21] Their father left each of them an inheritance of $30,000.[21]


Before Maurice knows about his son, he tries to adopt Chris, with disastrous results, when Maurice becomes a little too controlling; after one particularly frustrating afternoon with Maurice, Chris politely tells him to "shove it" and storms off to get a drink.[23]


Chris has a casual attitude towards sex, as is evidence by several short-term encounters with women he has had throughout the series. Chris' first true love was Leslie Ferguson.[43] A beautiful woman "stole" his voice and he almost slept with Maggie to get it back.[43] Chris' pheremones make all the women of Cicely lust after him, except for a visiting optometrist (Irene) who he falls in love with.[44] Chris falls in love again with a mathematician after killing her dog.[45] While taking a "vacation" at a monastery, Chris thinks he is developing feelings towards a man but it turns out to be a woman.[46] Bernard falls in love with Chris' girlfriend.[47] Chris' former high school crush turns out to be different than he remembered her.[11] Chris is attracted to Maggie's power when she runs for mayor.[48]


Chris is perhaps Cicely's most poetic soul, given to reading Thoreau, Walt Whitman, Carl Jung, and Maurice Sendak on-air (and quoting others off-air). Studying philosophy has given him a generally calm demeanor, but he has his limits. He loses his voice,[43] gets tongue-tied,[49] and helps Ed woo a girl with his poetry.[50]


Chris: It was a day not unlike any other day, in the summer of 1976. I, a boy of 15, and my oldest and dearest friend, Dickie Heath, having just stolen a car from the parking lot of a Shop Easy and finding ourselves with nothing much to do, entered a house on Foxhill Lane. While Dickie rifled the upstairs for valuables, I entered the sitting room where, while pocketing a gold leaf pen and a silver humidor, came across the book that completely and irrevocably changed my life. So, this morning, Chris in the Morning is gonna dispense with the weather and traffic report and the local news, and get down with the Complete Works of Walt Whitman:


Chris: Soapy once told me that the thing he loved most about country music was its sense of myth. There's heroes and villains, good and bad, right and wrong. The protagonists strolls into bar, which he sees as a microcosm of the big picture. He contemplates his existence and he asks himself, 'who's that babe in the red dress?' (turns to Joel) All right. Well, you know the way I see it, if you're here for four more years or four more weeks; you're here right now. You know, and I think when you're somewhere you ought to be there, and because it's not about how long you stay in a place. It's about what you do while you're there. And when you go is that place any better for you having been there?[68] Am I answering your question?Joel: Uh, no, not really.Chris: (laughs) What was your question?Joel: What am I gonna say to Maggie?Chris: I don't know.Joel: It would help if I hadn't had to sleep in a kennel. I-I can't even think straight.Chris: I think you oughta just be honest. You know, don't skirt the issue. Don't... you know, just deal with it head-on.Joel: I know.Chris: I'd tell her she's got great lips.


Chris: Hey, there! This is Chris In The Morning and we're on the phonelines. Who am I talking too?Jules: Jules, up on the Koyuk River.Chris: Hey, Jules, what's on your mind today?Jules: I went up to Baker's Point this morning to find Holling. He used to make camp the with the Littlejohn boys...Chris: Cut to the chase, Jules.Jules: All I saw was a couple of empty beer can and used condoms.


Chris: It's occasions like these that... my thoughts turn to marriage. I think of the Dalai Lama, The Pope, Mother Teresa; very spiritual people who never took the plunge. Then on the other hand, we have Elizabeth Taylor and Mickey Rooney, who couldn't get enough of a good thing. What do we make of this dichotomy? Well, we're here to wish our friends a long life filled with happiness. Shelly Tambo, do you take this man to be you lawful, wedded husband till death do you part?Shelly: Uh-huh.Chris: Holling Vincour, do you take this lovely girl to be your lawful, wedded wife till death do you part? ... Holling? Holling?Holling: I wonder if I might speak with Shelly for a moment? In private.


Joel: Nonspecific urethritis. Ya hear what I'm sayin'? Ya hear what I'm talkin' about? It's not catchy, but you ought to keep the falcon under wraps for a awhile. Otherwise, we're gonna have to clip his wings. Ya hear what I'm sayin', Valentino.Chris: Yeah, I hear ya. (car horn honks)Joel: Hey! Hey! I'm crossin' here! I'm crossin' here! You don't talk to a learned physician that way! Same to you, pal! Can't wait to get that jerk in the examining room. I got a barium enema with his name on it. Yeah, let me take you to Donald Trump. He's a friend of mine.Chris: You know Donald Trump?Joel: Oh, yeah. I started him out in the business, actually.Chris: Whoo, boy!


Chris: This is Chris in the Morning. And the temperature today is a cool 47 degrees with a high in the low 60s. Enjoy it while it lasts, folks, 'cause it won't be long till Cicely's breaking out her snowsuit and mukluks. Now for the traffic report...Maggie O'Connell just drove down Main Street too fast. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, we got a special request from Dr. Fleischman. He said it would go well with his breakfast. (starts playing Stardust) We're wearing this one out, Doc.


Chris: Hey Maurice, guess what happened last night? Lightning bolt knocked a tree through the side of my trailer. So...I was wondering if you could advance me a few bucks so I can get it fixed, so the mosquitoes don't... (assessing Maurice's stare) What?Maurice: Where'd you say you were from, son?Chris: Wheeling, West Virginia.Maurice: Yeah, the 'Almost Heaven' state. Yeah. You got any family there?Chris: Umm, no,no. My mother and father, they're gone.Maurice: For good?Chris: Yeah, they umm...they died.Maurice: Good. You have any problem with insanity in your family?Chris: Not that I know of. Everybody was pretty normal. Failures, but uhh...normal. What's this about, Maurice? You finally getting me that health insurance?


Maurice: This is all mine, son...far as the eye can see. Fifteen thousand acres. Fifteen thousand acres of opportunity. Planned communities. Resorts. Roads. Mini-Malls.Chris: Vineyards. You know; grapes, vino.Maurice: You got boozers hangin' in your family tree, son?Chris: Couple. What's the deal Maurice? You didn't bring me up here to show me the sights.Maurice (sighing): I got a problem, Chris.Chris: What kind of problem?Maurice: I need a son, son.Chris: What?Maurice: I need somebody to carry on the Minnifield family name. Somebody who will seize the keys to the kingdom...and use them to unlock the future. After careful consideration, I've decided that person is you.Chris (snickering): Yeah. You're kidding me, right?Maurice: I never kid about my assets, son.Chris: Www... Alright, why me, Maurice?Maurice: Because...you don't have anybody, and...I don't have anybody, and we could both use a family. I'm offering you a home, Chris. Roots. Fortune. What do you say?Chris: I don't know. I don't know, Maurice...Maurice: Look at all this. (gestures) The Minnifield empire could be yours. Consider that.Chris: Maurice, come on! I mean, the whole notion of you and me; father and son... Doesn't that strike you as a little off?Maurice: Hell no! You've worked for me. I've known you for a while... What do you say, Chris?Chris: What the hell. I'll give it a try.Maurice: That's my boy! (pats Chris' face) Welcome to the family.


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